Monday Evening Survival Guide


1. christ jesus

…and that isn’t a joke. I think Einstein said that “Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.” Well AFA redo: Religion without parenting is lame, Parenting without religion is a total shit show.

There are moments in my day when I have to say this scripture to myself to just keep from crying or maybe keep from [murdering]. God keeps this mama on course and in Love, seriously. Seriously.

2.  seasonal beer

Right after God, and I mean right after, comes an nice, seasonal cold beer. If you aren’t parenting without a couple of refreshing beverages throughout your week, you missed your calling as a Nobel Laureate. I have found, in my 3 years of parenting, that nothing goes so well with a long day of work and an apocalyptic poopy diaper, quite like Abita Spring’s summer seasonal. Moving on….

3. pajama pants

Taking off my pencil skirt and donning a really luxe pair of jams helps me transition into the kind of full action that greeting babies, cooking dinner, and walking dogs require. Listen, splurge on a pair of comfortable pants that simultaneously unbind your uterus and make you feel like the homemaking style diva that you are (I am talking to you fellas). These little ditties from Anthropologie seem to fit the bill quite nice.

4. multigrain cheerios

I have a baby less than a year old and I am not above, repeat: I am not above, putting him in the pack and play, pouring a cup of cheerios in there with him, and letting him have THE TIME OF HIS LIFE. Voila! Entertainment, nutrition, and you can make a meal without a baby on your hip for the first time in two months! Remember, you’re not trying to win any awards, you are trying to live in such a way that your kids see your smile.

5. precut veggies

If a recipe calls for onions, or spinach, or squash, or peppers – you go to the freezer section and find a sub that will do the trick. IF a recipe calls for you to make your own vinegarette, laugh and pour yourself a glass of wine while you open a Newman’s Own. Pre-cut, frozen onions, have saved my life (or at least 3 hours of it so far) and they will save yours. I am not exaggerating. I would cut a person if they told me that I couldn’t buy precut veggies anymore. Cooking short cuts are for winners.

6. a hot track – faith covered by lake street dive

Am I the only one that promises my kids a dance party if they will [let me pee, put this in the oven, finish my beer, sweep this floor, etc]? Dance party’s are fun and they are great way to reward your children with mama’s playful side. Mama or Daddy’s playful side, by the way, is the single most important desire of your child’s heart, so. I am really looking forward to shaking around the living room to Lake Street Dive’s cover of Faith this evening – available on iTunes!

Good Luck – I've got you covered. Mwah!